Is dating and marriage worth it✳

Getting to know more people rather than fixating on just one: You can’t predict compatibility before meeting someone

Two speed-dating studies asked participants to fill out a questionnaire with over 100 items about their preferences in a partner before any meetings took place. These questionnaires could only reveal how likely someone is to like others in general, and how popular they tend to be — they couldn’t predict whether two specific people would hit it off. You won't know whether you're compatible until you meet each other, so you need to meet a few more people.

Stop after a clear refusal — continued pursuit is a public order violation, not “sincerity”

If the other person has clearly refused and you still send messages repeatedly or wait for them, and you interfere with their normal life, from January (1) 2026 that is a public-order offence. You can be detained for up to 5 days, or fined up to 1000 yuan. For more serious cases, detention is 5 to 10 days. Police can also order you not to contact the person; violating that brings another 5 to 10 days of detention.

To judge interest, pay more attention to behavior as well as “signals”: who initiates, plans and follows up

When strangers of opposite sex talk for about ten minutes and then judge each other, “the other person was not flirting” is judged fairly accurately, while “the other person was flirting” is hard to see. So do not conclude from faces and tone in one chat alone. People who like someone more are more likely later to message and suggest meeting, but that link is weak.

Whether a relationship is good or not depends mainly on how you feel within it, not on your partner’s attributes

The best indicator of a healthy relationship is your own feelings toward it, not your partner’s qualifications. For instance, whether you perceive your partner as attentive and appreciative of you, or how often you argue. Your personal feelings carry two to four times more weight than what your partner says about the relationship. However, no questionnaire can reliably predict whether the relationship will improve or deteriorate over time.

To build closeness, have two people take turns answering a series of progressively deeper questions — no script needed

Two strangers who take turns answering 36 questions that go from light to deep feel closer after 45 minutes than people who only make small talk for the same time. What is more effective than small talk is taking turns to answer and asking deeper questions layer by layer. This only shows greater closeness at the time, not that it becomes a long-term relationship.

Looking for the full analysis? Explore the long reads · 36 questions: turn small talk into a deeper conversation

Long-distance relationships aren’t worse than local ones — the real challenge comes in the first three months after moving in together

While apart, long-distance relationships are actually more stable; research attributes this to idealizing the other person more than reality, and the less you meet the more idealized they become. The real hurdle is after you move in together. In follow-up data about half of long-distance couples reached the same-city step; the other half ended while still apart. Of the half who reunited, one third broke up within 3 months.

Check registration statistics before listening to elders: what do “marriage rate” and “divorce rate” actually mean?

In 2024, 6.106 million couples got married nationwide, a 20.5% drop from the previous year. Meanwhile, 3.513 million divorces were finalized. The oft‑quoted claim that “more than half of marriages end in divorce” comes from dividing these two numbers, yielding roughly 57.5%. The exact figures are 351.3 divorces and 610.6 marriages for that year. However, the two groups of people are not the same, so this figure cannot be interpreted as “half of all marriages end in divorce.” The report also lists a marriage rate of 4.3‰ and a divorce rate of 2.5‰; both use the total population as the denominator, not just married individuals.

Accounting for the health benefits of marriage while adjusting for observational data

Among older adults, married people have about a 12% lower risk of death than non-married people. Pooling all ages, people who have never been married have a higher risk of death than married people, and the older they are, the smaller the difference. But that is only two things occurring together; you cannot tell whether marriage caused it. These figures are mostly from Europe and North America; for China they are only an order-of-magnitude reference.

Discussing labor division before marriage helps clarify unpaid work responsibilities

The national time-use survey measured unpaid work such as housework and accompanying or caring for family. Among people who did such work that day, men averaged 1 hour and 52 minutes a day, and women 3 hours and 29 minutes. The survey was not broken down by marital status, so there is no official figure for how much housework increases after marriage; this gender gap can only serve as an upper-bound reference. Division of labor can be negotiated into a different shape before you register.

First check the default legal rules regarding marriage money and property, then decide whether to make a written agreement

Without a written agreement, the law’s default is that wages and bonuses earned after marriage, business and investment returns, and inherited or gifted property are jointly owned. Premarital property, and property a will or gift contract says is for one side only, is personal. The two of you can agree in writing that each keeps their own; once signed it binds. The side that put in more for raising children or caring for elders can claim compensation at divorce.

When parents pay for a house, they should clearly state whether it’s a loan or a gift at the time of transfer

Before marriage, parents paying for a home are presumed to give it only to their own child. Contributions after marriage count as joint marital property unless agreed otherwise. Since February 2025, if one spouse’s parents pay the whole price after marriage without specifying a gift solely to their child, the court may award the home to that spouse when the couple divorce. The court decides whether the other spouse receives compensation. To treat the money as a loan, put this in writing that day with both parties’ signatures.

Money borrowed by a spouse in a large amount — if you didn’t sign or later acknowledge it, it doesn’t automatically become your debt

Money borrowed by a spouse behind your back generally won’t become your joint debt, provided it clearly exceeds normal household expenses and you neither signed any documents nor later acknowledged the debt. Creditors must prove the money was used for shared household needs or joint business activities. However, if the borrowed funds actually helped purchase a house that both of you now live in or own together, creditors can usually prove it served a shared purpose.

Obtaining a marriage certificate requires only an ID card and a signed declaration — no household register needed, no fees, and issuance is immediate

Starting May 2025, getting a marriage certificate requires only two items: your ID card and a signed declaration stating that you have no spouse and share no direct or indirect blood relations within three generations with your partner. There’s no need to bring a household register, nor to go back to one’s place of hukou registration. The registration itself is completely free, and if all conditions are met, the certificate is issued on the spot.

Undergoing a premarital medical exam: if a serious illness is present, it must be disclosed before marriage registration

If you fail to truthfully inform the other party of a serious illness before registration, the other party may sue to annul the marriage. This must be done within one year from the date he knew or should have known about it. Ordinary first-instance procedures are stipulated to be completed within 6 months, which can be extended, and the lawyer's fees are generally paid by oneself. Since 2003, premarital examination has not been a prerequisite for obtaining a license. It is voluntary whether you go or not. The cost depends on local policies and it takes half a day.

Calculating the cost of walking away: Divorce by mutual agreement requires a 30-day cooling-off period, while divorce via litigation has strict legal prerequisites

Negotiated divorce is not finished when you sign. Within 30 days after filing the application, either side can withdraw. After that period both must still appear in person within 30 days to collect the divorce certificate; not going counts as withdrawal. If the other side disagrees, you can only sue. The court mediates first; with domestic violence, bigamy, living apart for two full years, and similar situations, if mediation fails the court shall grant divorce.

Make a separate tally for the benefits to your elders when they get married — don’t mix it with your own records

The benefits your elders gain — peace of mind, social standing, and relief from marriage pressure — are very real. But they won’t automatically translate into better health outcomes or improved relationship quality for you. Meanwhile, the time costs, financial outlays, and exit costs all fall squarely on your shoulders. By drawing two columns on paper and assigning each benefit to the right party, you can instantly see whether this arrangement is worth it for you.

Treating relationship quality as a health factor: focus on the issue, not the person — avoid insults and sarcasm

Couples with a good relationship tend to be healthier and have a lower risk of mortality. This link is relatively weak — comparable to how diet affects health. In one experiment, wounds on partners who remained hostile during arguments healed at only 60% of the rate seen in couples who stayed calm.

While both partners are of sound mind, complete power of attorney, designated guardianship, and wills: Legally, you are not close relatives; without these, you will have no signing authority or inheritance rights.

Legal close relatives include spouses, parents and children; an unmarried partner does not count. Without documents, one partner cannot make decisions for the other during serious illness. After a death, the surviving partner is not a statutory heir; without a will, a claim to a share depends on having relied on the deceased for support or having substantially supported them. Three documents cover different stages: a power of attorney while capable, agreed guardianship after loss of decision-making capacity, and a will after death.

Don’t marry while hiding your sexual orientation, and don’t treat “marriage of convenience” as an easy shortcut: legally, it is a real marriage, and the only way out is divorce

Marrying while hiding sexual orientation is not invalid in law and cannot be revoked; the only exit is divorce. A marriage of convenience is also a real marriage; money earned after marriage counts as joint marital property, and debts both signed and debts for ordinary household spending count as both people’s. The deceived side can ask at divorce for a larger share of property and compensation for mental harm, but whether courts support that is still unsettled.

When a relationship is stuck in arguments and silent treatment, seek couples therapy together unless there is domestic violence: just waiting rarely helps

Couples with relationship difficulties reported clearly greater relationship satisfaction after couples therapy, while those on a waiting list showed little change. Benefits can fade: in one trial, around half still showed clear improvement at 5 years, while around a quarter had separated or divorced. These conclusions do not apply where there is domestic violence; do not begin joint therapy in that situation.

Even after a wedding or banquet, register the marriage: without registration you are not legally spouses and have no spousal inheritance right

After February (2) 1994, holding only a wedding without registering is not marriage in law; it only counts as cohabitation. If the other person dies, you cannot inherit the estate as a spouse. If you want to separate, the court does not handle it as divorce. Making up the registration fixes it, and the effect can be counted back.

When a spouse, behind your back, uses large amounts of joint marital money to tip streamers or transfer it to someone outside the marriage: you can ask to divide joint property without divorcing, and money sent outside the marriage can be sued for return

If a spouse, without consulting you, uses joint money for large tips to streamers, you can ask a court to divide the joint property without divorcing. At divorce you can also have that side get less or nothing. Money transferred to someone outside the marriage can be sued for return from the recipient; even if they say it was spent, they still must return it. But all of this means suing; lawyer fees are yours; first instance takes several months.

When a couple with a minor child divorces, write into the divorce agreement who the child lives with, how much monthly support is, and the form and times of visitation: the more specific the writing, the fewer later lawsuits after divorce

Who the child lives with, how much is paid each month, and when you can see the child can be written into the agreement by negotiation. If you cannot agree the court decides; with fixed income, support is generally 20% to 30% of the paying side’s monthly income. If written amounts are not paid, you can sue to recover them. If the other side blocks visitation, the court can fine or detain them, but it will not forcibly take the child to see you.